Archive | December, 2010

Resolving to not resolve

29 Dec

Somehow there is a magical threshold between the 31st of Dec. and Jan. 1st that opens a portal to a new and improved life, a new me, a better body, home, job!

And every year, we make resolutions and declare our new-found passion to become something better or new.  I’m not judging, I do it every year myself.  Some have been in writing, but most I’ve never dared to give life to on a page.  This year, in spite of myself, I am hereby resolving to not make resolutions!

What? You have to make resolutions, it’s a tradition!  No thank you.
This is nearly sacrilege!  Perhaps, I’m willing to risk it.
Well then, surely you won’t accomplish much this year.  Perfect!

Wait, what?  I say perfect because I mean that is exactly what I hope.  Let me explain.  So much of the stress I have brought on myself in this life is by striving.  Striving to be something else, to say and do the right thing, to be the best, do what’s expected, etc. and somewhere in the middle of my striving I forget to just BE. I lose sight of what is important and abandon the soul of who I am. I skip the proverbial “smelling of the roses” to rush to the next, new version of me!

This year, I plan to BE.  Enjoy, live, choose, act, spend, work and love because that’s who I am and what I love to do.  I will live in a way that cultivates peace and hope and love in my own soul.  Not because I have a measure to reach or a 6-step program to be a better me.  Nope, simply because I am and I have a lot to celebrate!

How did we get here?

29 Dec

This is a repost from my original blog – approximately one year ago.


http://farmsonfivemile.blogspot.com/2009/12/challenging-times-call-for-seeing.html

Looking UP in to the face of my first born, I realize…things will never be the same.  Not that they have been, but in my mind I seek same-ness, I cling to thoughts of when he was little and forget all of the little steps along the way.  How did we get here…talking about his first place, future plans, buying a car, etc.? 

Well, I guess it was the accumulation of those seemingly little things. The things that are easy to forget, but the very things that shaped our relationship.  The first ear infection, the family trips, building sand castles on the beach, scolding you to sit still and quiet through a boring sermon, your first dog, unteaching you to give “head butts” in the face, riding the bike, helping with homework, moving and moving again, teaching you to cook and do laundry, heart to heart talks at bed time and a million other times in between.

Although I swore I would never say this, it seems like you were just a baby.  And yes, there are times when I wish I could do it over again. But when I really stop to think I realize, no, I wouldn’t want to do it over. Sure there have been mistakes, failures and bumps along the way, but I am proud of you son. I’m proud of the person you are. You have a good heart. You’re respectful, playful, gentle yet competitive, smart and a really great person. You care – and that matters a great deal in life.

So I watch as you begin plans to begin on your own and think, I am so lucky.  Lucky to have a nice kid who I enjoy and who will change this world in his own way.  A kid who will be the best friend, the sweetheart to someone, the strength to others. How did we get here?  On a journey of a lot of moments and a lot of love.

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